he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
