I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
