then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
