Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
