Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
