He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
