U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
