Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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