1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
