Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Randomize
