WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
