This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
