I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize