I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
