I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
