An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
