he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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