Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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