And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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