Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
