oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
