Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
