The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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