i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
