I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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