you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
