If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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