Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
