my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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