honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
