My first STD was from a foam party
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
