Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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