just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
