I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Will you blow on my dice?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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