Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
