Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
