Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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