I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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