I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Help. Why am I so naked?
And then he peed in my hair
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