I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
