Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
A bitchslap is in order.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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