and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
