I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I love having hate sex.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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