The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
