Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
