So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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