I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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