I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
