I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
