Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just want to make out with him forever
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
