There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
