You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
