I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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