are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
