Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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