And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
