Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
