He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
