Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
