there's paper in my vomit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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