Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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