I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
