You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
