"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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