The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
