My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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