Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Vodka?
Forever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
