all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
