He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
