So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
