I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
